In my work as a life coach and trainer to millennials I get to witness a lot of joy and sense of achievement when people take charge of their life and do a turn around.
The Quarter Life Crisis is often medicated away or played down by the people who go through it. However, recognising it as a genuine state of being is important to prevent it leading to something more serious such as loneliness, depression or other mental health problems. According to an estimate of The Depression Alliance one third of twentysomethings feel depressed.
The most pressing pains we hear are:
- I don’t know what I want
- I overanalyse myself all the time
- I feel trapped and stuck in my career/relationship
- I keep crying myself to sleep worrying
- I don’t know where I belong anymore
- I feel lonely
- I don’t want to burden my friends with my crazy stuff
- I still haven’t reached what I wanted at my age
- Since leaving uni, I feel like my dreams and hopes get shattered a little more everyday.
- Look at everyone else all happy, successful and on their way. What’s wrong with me?
There’s nothing wrong with you, what’s happened is that you’ve trapped yourself nicely into a negative spiral that perpetuates itself with critical self-talk, fearful worrying, too little sleep and too much work pressure.
Does this sound familiar?
When have you suffered enough?
Now. This moment. Enough is Enough.
So here are 5 things you need to do:
1.) Acknowledge that you’re feeling the way you’re feeling
Once you’ve said it out loud “I feel shit”, it already has less power over you. You’ve looked it in the eye and admitted it. Awareness of this kind makes it also quite clear that you are feeling shit and that does not mean that “you are shit”. An important distinction to make.
2.) Admit to a friend
Choose a friend who you know will listen and be there when it matters. Not sharing things with anyone often means you are also very likely to blank the issue out for yourself. Deceiving yourself and others creates the shield of “It’s all ok” while underneath that coat of armour you are at war with yourself. Being vulnerable and opening up is hard but worth it, as you will be able to relate to yourself and others again. If you don’t believe me have Brené Brown convince you in her TED Talk on vulnerability.
3.) Force yourself to practice gratitude, appreciation and forgiveness
Trust me I know from my own personal experience how you will not feel like doing this. All the forces at work keeping you small, sad and lost will try to maintain the status quo and ridicule all this “new age” stuff and this petty positivity practice.
Give yourself a shove nonetheless, pick up pen and paper and:
Write ten lines.
- 3 things you are grateful for in your life,
- 3 things you appreciate about yourself,
- 3 things you forgive yourself for and
- one line to note down what’s going on for you having practiced positivity:
Now I notice…I feel a little lighter
My family is important to me
I need to go for a walk and catch some fresh air or
I still feel shit (shit happens, that might be the outcome, but you can still be proud of yourself for doing something about it.)
4.) Focus on the basics for a while
Exercise and sweat it out.
Pay attention to one thing at a time (and don’t let that be your negative self talk. When you hear it, acknowledge it, be polite say “Thank you, not now”. More saboteur handling tips here).
Try something new, e.g. take a small risk, like wearing two unmatched socks, it will give you the feeling of achievement, fun and taking back control of your life.
5.) Decide if you need help and if you do, go and get it.
You might already know what to do about what’s going on in your life e.g. change jobs, read the book your friend recommended, attend a class/course (link to our events), then by all means take this line of blog text as a fire starter and go do it before it’s too late and you loose the clarity and/or drive.
If you don’t know what to do about it or fail at your initial attempts, then don’t, I repeat don’t continue suffering.
No one rewards life pain, it just sucks all the aliveness out of you.
Reach out to us.
Hire a coach and/or therapist.
Ha! you might say, but I don’t have the money. Fair point, but when this investment can give you your sanity and success back, what is it worth to you?
Ask for the payment method, intervals and levels you need and take note that his month we have a November Coaching Offer .
Stop suffering for your own sake and for the world because once you shine your light proudly and confidently again, you will light up many other people in your life.
As humans, we are on this planet Earth for only a short time, may you live your life with a great amount of love, peace and aliveness in your heart.
Hi I am Laura, co-founder and certified coach at Mind The Gap Coaching.
I get really frustrated sometimes to the point that I harm myself with my thoughts and my choices. And luckily I have the support network I need when that happens.
When I had my own quarter life crisis coaching helped me refocus and know what I want.
I am here to help quarter-lifers listen to what’s really going on for them and to take courageous action.